I will follow you

Who knows where Antonio is, who knows if he’s okay. I don’t know anything about him, what his story is, nor what he was thinking while writing his name on the bed. Maybe he was thinking of me, of the boy who would take his bed a few years later. I entered Sanpa a year ago, a year and four days to be precise and I miss my home a lot. A year and four days ago I was on my bed for the last time; I remember struggling to sleep that night. The next day I would enter here; […]

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My thin line

Dance with the strings, puppet dance, pinocchio and wick, fire eater, the devil’s ballad, devil party, dance with wolves, disco marionet, dance with demons, dance of the high, getting high you learn, let’s get high Let’s go out tonight, are you coming? Let’s have an evening. We take care of everything, don’t worry. But you have to put the car in it: we have to go and get some guys, friends. Ok, okay. I’m in. I was a regular cocaine user. I gave up the rest, I didn’t like that kind of high. But the coke … It had been […]

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It’s too cold

I open my eyes, it’s dark. I don’t understand where I am, it’s cold. I look around. I’m inside a car. The light from a street lamp penetrates the windows and makes the passenger compartment lighter. It’s my car! I am sitting in the driver’s seat, but my body is lying on the passenger side. It’s cold  With great difficulty I manage to get up, look out and realize that I am standing in a parking lot, in front of the ‘Sigi’ company. I try to understand how I got there and Matteo, the bartender at the bar I go […]

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Fragile soul

My generation. Young people, I’m talking about me, about us about how we are living inside the world. We guys who do not know who we are, we who feel nothing and who in order to feel like someone and to fill the void that is in us, we become dependent, slaves to something that does not make us think, and that gradually turns us off. Escape from the problems and difficulties that life inevitably puts in front of us without any warning and think that almost always everything starts as a game to feel stronger, to feel part of […]

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I am important

They arrested me on December 2, 2004. They arrived home at 08.05 with a search warrant. I was in my room with a girl and I was preparing the doses to sell. Then, those loud knocks on the door. The action scene was about to begin. They couldn’t be friends or customers. I knew it was them, but I didn’t know that my life, from that moment, would change. I did not opened. I ran to the room, took the box of pills and the bag with the ‘stuff’ and threw everything from the bathroom window that overlooked a blind […]

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Between love and hate

We are embraced on mum’s bed. Tomorrow will start a new one chapter of our life. We, inseparable brothers, united by a unusual fate. I shake their hand, I look at him and every time I get lost in her green eyes, so deep and mysterious that you can never understand what he is feeling. Fabio is my whole life, the strangest boy that I have ever known. From an early age he lived in my house. His mum, a single mother with the American dream in my head, he worked all day and then, in the evening, she went […]

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Timeless souls

Maya was on her way home. Finally, after years of on the run from his hometown, he had decided to do so. Returning to her mother and sister, in that small village in the mountains, certainly meant reopening old wounds: but now Maya was ready to face them. The separation of her parents and the death of her father had burned her soul. He hated his mother deeply, pouring all the blame on her. He could not forgive her, to look into her eyes and the only solution had been to leave home. In all this time spent traveling around […]

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Live as strong as you can

What an effort to live! I will soon turn 28 and it seems to me that I have lived a hundred. When I think about it, it almost feels like my bones are worn out. How many things I have seen in these 28 years, how many people I have known, how many changes I have faced, how many laughs I have had, and how many tears I have shed. If I look back it seems to me to see myself through a television, as if what was was part of an old faded memory, of an old movie, of […]

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Everything was worse than before

I was at a crossroads. If I had taken that path, my world would have changed completely in an istant.  What are you willing to do to get into that group, into that of the coolest? I was tired of the monotony of the days, the fights at home and the bad grades at school. Every day seemed the same. The alarm clock that rang at six in the morning, the screams of my mother who told me to hurry up because I was late and the usual smell of coffee coming out of the mocha. The gray sky, the […]

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Eternal wandering

Life is all about choices. Some beautiful, fair and clear when we make them. Choices that make us feel in seventh heaven as if we have finally grasped that meaning of life we ​​have read so much about, which we have heard so much about. Others are terrible and the price to pay for doing them is often devastating. It is never easy to make peace with heart and mind, emotions and thoughts, feelings and intuitions. We are eternal wanderers who roam this. Earth looking for everyone, some less and some more, the exact same thing: their place in the […]

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The smell of the night

The smell of Rome, that smell that makes you think you can do everything. And then the noise of the muffler of the modified scooter to go faster. Via della Stazione, go straight down to the intersection. Orange traffic light. Quickly curved to the left, the scooter on one side my body that balances on the other. Via Anagnina. The wind pulls my hair back and makes my eyes water, my neck is outstretched forward to reduce air resistance. The accelerator is at full throttle: my hand tingles, but I don’t give up. I pass a car, overtake a bus […]

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The best part of me

Asia is everything to me. I shared everything with her, even her mother’s belly. We saw the world for the first time together, we also took the first breath and the first cry together. The first word we learned belonged to our own language with which we spent whole afternoons chatting from one bed to the other in our room, no one could understand us. Asia and I have always shared the same room, even when traveling and sleeping in the hotel. Before falling asleep we spent hours staring into each other’s eyes, she is the person who has always […]

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