WeFree

A ray of sunshine that came through the window, continuously lit up the desk halving it, hence separating me from the formal man, who kept talking to me, I would say uselessly. Long moments of silence filled up the room, I didn’t speak, and I wasn’t going to allow others to look into my thoughts, entering my world. Feeling almost chained to a chair, anger biting at my stomach, but my body was too weak to be able to react, as it would have liked. The words of that doctor were talking about solutions, measures and something that I was […]

Fulfilling the blank in front of me I had already been using heroin for a year. At 15, the relationship with my family was increasingly deteriorated every time I entered the house there was a fight. My father did not accept my behavior and I did not miss an opportunity to react with violence. With my sisters I had no kind of relationship whatsoever, they only thing they knew was that I caused a lot of trouble. The worst thing was that I knew I was continuously causing trouble, but in order not to feel any remorse or guilt, I […]

Start Again At 18 I met Viola. Although, I already knew who she was, because in our town we all know each other. She was beautiful and small. One Saturday night, after a night out, we went out together. At home, it was one in the morning; I was drunk, maybe that’s why I found the courage to do it. I told her that I wasn’t tired, and then I asked her if she wanted to come to smoke a joint with me. With that excuse, we stayed together, to talk about this and that. At that moment I was […]

The best choice for my life At 24 years old, finished university, I met a guy who used heroin, I fell in love and we got together. In the end he was so different from me, I also liked to get high… I thought my life could not get worst than this. Since then, however, everything sank. It was inevitable. Before I knew it, it was too late… my only thoughts become drugs, only drugs. Everything revolved around that and all the rest I did not give a shit about. Then something changed, I met Luca and he used drugs. […]

Rediscover yourself I was just over twenty years old. My life was made out of parties, discos, drugs and fun. I did not think about anything else. I lived in Novi in Modena and on the 29th of May 2012 there was an earthquake. You can imagine the situation. My mom and my brother were in the civil protection housing. My dog and I were destined to stay in the tent. A friend of mine called me and asked me if I wanted to stay at his house. Since that time, not only my city fell to pieces, but also […]

Sitting on the couch watching at the Christmas tree lights that illuminate intermittently. It’s snowing outside. Right now I am thankful to live far from the city center. In the driveway of my neighborhood a few cars occasionally pass. Only a few cars. Christmas. New year’s Eve. The holidays. To cast away this wistful thinking, with a phone card I draw a white line of cocaine that I snort fast and furiously, as I’ve been doing so for days, since I answered that call, that call that I had expected for days, “Mom ….hi. I can’t come for Christmas Mom … I’m staying with Dad. It’s better. So you can take care of yourself Mom … Do you understand? I love you. Bye. “ My daughter. The shot of coke rises. Clenching my jaw, clenching my fists I get up and go to the window. The patio is covered with snow. On the grass, whitewashed and scattered, the remains of the gifts that I had prepared for her, for my little girl and that I have now destroyed blinded by anger and pain caused by those words. I’m crying right now. I am crying because that pain does not pass despite cocaine, despite the alcohol, despite the drugs. I would like to escape or die or fall apart. I would like to be blind, deaf and heartless. I would like to slip into a black hole never to come out again. I would like to delete my existence, along with all my memories. Sometimes I wonder why I have sold my life so cheaply? Who am I? Where are the people I love? My house is just an empty box where I locked myself in where, selfishly, I wanted to bring my daughter, she, like a tiny firefly in the dark, the only glimmer that lights up my life. But not even her, my daughter, wanted to stay with me. I decided to have my daughter and I wanted to give her everything I hadn’t been given. A doting mother, a comfortable home, a serene existence. But I hadn’t been able to give her any of this. Obsessed with the fear of living as my mother had always lived, working hard without being able to afford anything, I started my life over the top. Men, money, drugs, sex, alternating transgression with despair. I spent years drunk and on […]