The stars are there, glued to the night and just waiting for the wishes expressed by someone to be able to break away. He holds my hand walking slightly ahead of me as if to guide and protect me on that dark path in the middle of the woods. Sometimes I stumble and I can’t walk well on the pebbles. We laugh, making fun of each other for the way we walk: clumsy and insecure. August can be felt in the air. We are young, carefree and in love. And we feel invincible. Suddenly I stop to catch my breath while he continues to hold my hand. In the dark I can’t see it, I can’t distinguish its features, but I can see the shoulders and the top of the head thanks to the reflection of the moon. The sound of our panting breaths, cicadas and techno music that can be heard in the distance blend together. I raise my head and in the pitch darkness I look at the sky. It seems like the perfect time to make a wish.
Wait, let’s look at the sky. Maybe we see a shooting star! ” “I’ve never seen one”. Answer me. “For real??? Come on, impossible … what about your desires? ” “My wishes? I don’t understand. What do you mean?” I am a bit bewildered by his answer. “If you see a shooting star you can make a wish!” “Bullshits!! Come on let’s go they are waiting for us.
He had never seen a shooting star. He starts walking faster, and tells me to speed up because we’re almost there. The music is getting closer and less muffled, I no longer hear our panting breaths and the sound of cicadas. And in the meantime, the darkness of the woods suddenly remains behind me. Now I can clearly distinguish the features of his face in the midst of the colored and psychedelic lights. Looks at me. His mouth opens in a smile and he slides his hand away from mine.
I arrive. I have to see two or three people. Meanwhile … I don’t know, have a drink. Wait for me here. Please, don’t move otherwise I won’t find you. ” I stay there for a while, watching stuck-up zombies dance to that deafening music that has swallowed our buzz and our breathless breaths. I don’t see him anymore. I look for it everywhere with my eyes and in the end I find it. He is speaking into the ear of a guy he has never seen. I observe him. She puts her hand in her pocket and stealthily gives him something in exchange for money. The scene is repeated with another boy. Peddle and consume. Consume and sell. And I’m already there waiting for him and I’m starting to get impatient. I don’t see him again.
Someone knocks me on the shoulder and I turn around. “Who’s back!! How are you?” He is an old acquaintance of mine. A boy I met years ago. I greet him with a kiss on the cheek. He asks if I’ll take him out of the casino. I look around to see if my partner has finished making his pigs comfortable, but I still don’t see him. I accept, and we make space among the crowd of rubber zombies to the edge of the woods. My old flirt takes his cell phone out of his pocket and draws a line. One for him, one for me. I know that if the other one sees me he gets really pissed off, not because I do the row but because I’m with the guy, but I don’t really care, he dumped me there and it suits him. Suddenly, between a compliment and a sniff of drugs, he approaches and tries to kiss me. I promptly put my hand between our mouths. He gets nervous and he too leaves without giving me time to say something. I’m in the dark under that sky again, but I’m alone. I don’t break down and lift my head to look at him. Not even a minute passes and there it is my shooting star. I make a wish.
That night’s wish came true. A little late and in a slightly different way, perhaps I should have formulated it a little better. I had wished I would never lose him, even though he had left me there that night and many other nights, and that I could have a beautiful life. In a way, I haven’t lost it. It’s been over 10 years and he is still a part of my heart and still present in my life. I’ve never stopped loving him immensely and I always think so, even now. Unfortunately, however, drugs remained a constant in his life. And I wanted a better life. A life that I could never have with him. Maybe one day I will help him want a different life with all his strength and who knows maybe he too will be able to save himself. I’ll never stop watching shooting stars, even if I’m alone. But if I find someone who will do it with me, who will look at my own sky and who will never let go of my hand, well I’d say my past wishes have all come true. Or at least the most important.
Taken from “Sanpanews – Voci per crescere” N ° 34 July 2019
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