I am writing to you, Mery. An important message to keep in mind, written in black and white to never forget it, dedicated to the person I have to value. The same person I hurt so much.
Those days when you were afraid to live and you turned off your brain not to hear seems so far away. To not feel those damned feelings, that sense of inferiority that you have carried within you all your life. The problem is this: your hyper-sensitivity. You know it well, you have recently tasted life outside Sanpa and you know that you have to fortify yourself, in these months that are missing to reach the finish line. Outside everything is always the same, perhaps even worse than three and a half years ago. But you are not, you have changed and you know it well. You no longer want to fall into the abyss, you no longer felt good there, in that darkness of the soul, in that silence. Now no, it is no longer night inside you and your emotions and feelings finally have a voice. You will feel understood by the people closest to you, others may be confused and will not understand you, but you must be proud of who you are. Surely you will have to learn to manage impulsiveness and anger but you will succeed, I’m sure. Walk with your head held high, be proud of yourself, over time you will improve more and more. Now you are finally learning to appreciate yourself, also accepting that body that you have always rejected, but in the end it is only the shell of your soul, of what you really are. When you are full of frustration and anger, push your limits and convince yourself that you can do it, after all, the goal is not that far off. Laugh, joke, make fun of. The world seems more colorful if you are in a good mood and you just need nothing to make you smile, you have this beautiful gift and you know it. Express your emotions by writing, put your thoughts on paper, you know that then you will be fine and maybe you will help someone come up with their own. Savor all the facets of your existence, now you are able to grasp every nuance.
Mery
