This Is Who I Am

I still haven’t quite figured it out. The same tired old refrain keeps repeating itself: “Lower your expectations of others”. I feel like I have a thousand razor blades caught in my throat, and in an instant everything changes. Anxiety. I start to gag, trying to spit it out. “I’m always the odd one out. A fish out of water.” I’ve always had to live with these thoughts of being less than everyone else and today I don’t have any way to escape the way I feel. No coke. No dope. Nothing. Now I’m left to reckon against myself, against […]

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Mirrors

They have always told me that you should never look in the mirror when you are high on ecstasy because you can ruin your trip. I did it anyway, and seeing my own face was terrifying: I looked like a monster. Michele was a 14-year-old kid, and he saw weed as just a hobby. It was a way to become part of a group, one of the boys. The ones that seemed like they weren’t scared of anything or anyone. By the time he was 17, Michele was one of ‘them’. He had become the official supplier of ecstasy for […]

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