It’s a gloomy night that promises nothing good.
I do not know what’s happening to me, but my stomach is closed, a tightness that does not let me breathe properly and makes me shiver.
My friends are nervously walking around me, I hear them silent, they are agitated and fomented; whereas I’m lying on the grass, trying to keep calm concentrating on the perfumes.
They are so familiar! I look up at the sky. It’s full of stars. I’m looking for the hunter and Betelgeuse, the brightest star of the Orion belt. Finally I find it, I observe it; It’s beautiful, so bright and impressive.
A feeling of peace pervades my body and I smile, thinking back to my childhood and the evenings of fantasy with my brother.
Two kids and a lot of dreams. We wanted to become brave astronauts, without fear.
Captains of space who face the pitfalls of a distant universe and spin between gigantic meteorites, with interspace rockets going to unknown planets. A lifetime of adventures.
Michael kicks me. “Now is the time… we have to go, everything is ready!”
An iron crowbar falls next to me, the sound scares me off.
“Fuck, be careful do you want to kill me!”
“Wake up dreamer! We need you! “” Sniff a line to recover. ”
In a moment that fantastic world fades into a cloud of memories, which disperse like dust into the wind and reality reappears with all its cruelty.
Michael is my brother, ever since we were kids, we did everything together, regardless of how things were going. Our lives are tied like a double-edge weapon.
I’ve always looked after him from when our parents had gone, I never left him alone. Surely I could have done better, I could have been a better example for him;
I could be like that astronaut, strong and courageous, I could have taught him honesty, friendship, solidarity, in short: all of those feelings that matter, which make people better.
Instead I did what I could and definitely not enough.
It’s not fair to live on the streets, taking drugs to escape loneliness. It’s not fair to live by criminals between drug sales and robberies.
But that’s all I could offer him and the only thing I could do. I didn’t even have a choice, I had to adapt;
but Michael had a choice, although he didn’t chose the right one! And I did not know how to help him, to advise him or, more simply, for selfishness I didn’t want to be alone. In the end he is all I have, it’s my only family.
I stand up from the ground and get in the car, I take some coke to be more alert. It works.
My senses recover, my muscles are reactive, new life flows into my body and suddenly I feel no doubts, insecurities and guilt; in other words, no emotions!
“Ok I’m ready, this is an easy job, let’s do it and then we have fun!”
We jump out of the car, adrenaline floods us, making us fearless, but I still had that strange stomach sensation that did not give me peace. I try to forget about it, not to ruin everything.
It’s time, we take the weapons and start … Everything is as usual!
That night did not go as usual, fate was scheming a way to divide us, our star did not protect us.
That evening they arrested us, they split us up, then they brought us to two different prisons.
Now we are alone. I have not heard of him for months now, he knows how to be alone; I hope he doesn’t get into trouble, as usual, because I will not be there to help him.
During nighttime I often look out of the window, then I look for my brother in the stars; I look at Orion’s belt and I know he is doing the same.
It seems as if he were close to me, even if we are distant, as when we were kids.
Chiara.
