If I had to compare my life to something, I would definitely associate it with a war.
Ever since I was little I fought against the indifference of my parents and against the teasing of my schoolmates.
I fought not to be unnoticed, to be accepted by the group.
I have fought against all the healthy principles my grandparents have taught me.
I fought so that I could be the most popular of all, not to feel alone, but above all, I fought against myself.
I became a great soldier over time. I was able to betray, hurt, humiliate, lie, so I did not feel anything.
I was strong, I felt strong. I was always ready to fight.
But as time had gradually passed ever more, I increasingly became lonesome.
I lived whole days, locked in my room alone, without any friends, with a terrible fear of going out and above all, I was scared of myself.
I was embarrassed inside me, I felt crushed, and I just needed a bit of serenity in the midst of all that suffering.
I still remember that day, it was a Tuesday of January, the day after my birthday. Another one past alone, not even my parents had wished me a happy birthday.
It was that Tuesday, a day not so different from all the others, that I started my descent into hell. I took so many drugs, alcohol and prescribed meds that suddenly I fainted. I woke up a little later, I looked around, I saw the dark, messy, dirty room.
With struggle I prepared my last dose, I let myself fall into bed and then nothing.
If I’m writing this story is because all my plans have failed. The next day I woke up and cursed to be still alive.
But maybe the destiny had for me something special in store, maybe that was not my future, maybe I had to do something for others.
So I remembered an old dream when I was a child, a dream made of great feelings and love.
Now I am still fighting, but today is for my dream, for my future.
Hot air touches my face, dust and sweat blends, and the red, wild, and unconscious earth full of beauty and suffering that takes your soul and transforms you stripping your clothes in pure emotion.
My dream is called Africa … I want to be able to give a smile and bring hope, the same as that I have, with painful commitment, laboriously found, so I shall handed it to all of those who need it.
Chiara
