Learn to love yourself | WeFree

Start Again

At 18 year old I met Viola 1. Actually I didn’t really know who she was, because in our town everybody knew everybody. She was beautiful, little girl. One Saturday night, after an evening, we went out together. We were already back home, was around one in the morning; I was drunk; maybe that’s why I had the courage to do it. I told her that I wasn’t sleepy, and then I asked her if she wanted to come smoke a joint with me. With that excuse we met, we stayed together for a bit; we spoke about this and that. I was head over heels for her. From that evening we started going out more often together. I started to take her to parties with my friends, she use to come over to my house. I liked it so much. At parties I didn’t want her to take the same drugs I was using myself. I forbid her. I wanted to protect her but the situation was still the same: I couldn’t do that extra step towards her. She would open up to me and tell me everything about her life. Maybe I liked him too. I was able to show all of me to him. This is because I am ashamed of some things of myself, those I that I don’t show anyone. That’s why I couldn’t really get close anyone, apart from her. So I thought that destroying that wall would be the last thing, I had to much fear, I hadn’t tried. The heroin. One day I decided. I didn’t want to go back. Since that first time I stopped hearing everything. That’s the effect heroin gives you. The more I continued, the more I was switching off. By now I didn’t care about anything anymore, not even Viola. Everything around me was far from me… I didn’t care.

Then that Christmas the situation deteriorate drastically… After the New Year I went out with my friends that evening. I was out until five in the morning and took whatever was handed to me. I was finished, I came back to the house and they locked me in my room. I was out of my mind, so I thought I could pin (heroin) myself so falling asleep would be easier. But I overdid it. I heard my senses leave my body, I got up, to get closer to my bed and lay down but before I got there I fainted. Overdose. I woke the next day in hospital. My mom saved my life. At that point the reality was clear. I had become a mess. I had hit rock bottom. I made a choice, perhaps the first right one in many years. I decided to get myself into a community. It was time to learn to love me.