Broken wires

Fili Spezzati - WeFree | San Patrignano

The phone rings, I hasten to answer.

I look at the screen; it’s him at last. I smile; I've been waiting for hours.
"Come down, I’m outside your house!"
I put my coat and hat on when I’m about to leave the house. My parents look at me furiously and begin pounding me with questions, to which I have no intention to answer.
"Are you going out tonight? You cannot do what you want. You have also stopped going to school. What do you want to become? Are you going out with him again, aren’t you? He will drag you into hell. Don’t go out tonight, stay home.
"No, it’s not him," I reply.
"Come back soon, don’t make us worry."
I close the door behind me; I go down the stairs as fast as I can. I was running away from them, from my family, but then they were just an obstacle to my life and my love story with him.

He was everything to me. I loved him so deeply that I didn’t count anymore, he had complete control over me and he moved strings on me like those moved on puppets.
This indestructible wire between us tied us and at the same time it strangled us, we were accomplices and indivisible, essential to one another as water is to fish.

I go out the front door and H’s there, waiting for me on the scooter. He’s beautiful and that's all I need.
I kiss him, holding him tight and I have the feeling that I’m his entire world too. We are alone against everyone!!
Asking me "Have you got money?"
"Of course I've got it!"
"We have a problem though, we are without a car, and lets use your fathers one!"
"I cannot do it, if he finds out he’ll throw me out of the house!"
"Come on, nothing will happen, he’s not even going to notice!"
So I dare. I think of an excuse to get back quickly. The phone, I forgot the phone. That’s what I will say.
I climb the stairs two by two. Because of the rush I start sweating, I have to calm down.
I open the door, I see my father in front of the TV. I take the keys; I look out and say,
"I forgot the cell phone in the bathroom, bye!"
My father does not answer, not looking at me either. I quickly reach Alex, who smiles at me with a satisfied air, telling me:
"It 's done let's go!"
We climb into the car and take a photo with the camera I kept in the backpack. We take a photo, to remember that 'special' evening.

That night was going to be the payback to all of those who didn’t believe in us and in our love. We were convinced to be different, to live a happy and exciting life, full of adrenaline, but in the end it was not so, in fact, that trip turned into a nightmare.

The car starts to skid, Alex is not well.
"Can you drive? You're drunk, aren’t you? Be careful, let me drive!"
"I will never allow you to tell me these things. I know what I‘m doing!!!" He replies.
I try to calm down, I trust him. I keep telling myself that he will not hurt me we are one thing!
I feel the abstinence, the eyes get heavy, and I fall asleep.
I open them again with the sound and blow of the crash.
I turn towards him. And I find him passed out; he’s bent on the steering wheel full of blood. We crashed into a tree and half of the car is destroyed.
A series of thoughts go through my head: I think of my father and the hell I caused. Then I think about Alex and I feel betrayed, but all this fades into the background. Now I'm too hurt, now I'm not able to reason, I will do it later, when I will feel better.
"Come on, clean your blood and let me drive, they are waiting for us!!! Then we settle everything!" I tell him.
He lets me do so and falls asleep during the journey.

Today I look at the photos of that night, two youngsters kissing each other, and that piece of paper becomes heavy and dark as the ocean, overflowing with tears and suffering.
That relationship was supposed to be the most important one, enclosing joy and happiness instead it sucked me into a vortex of madness on the border between life and death.
Sometimes I recall past episodes and then I think of Alex, the last time I saw him he was not doing too well; now it’s three years that I have been in San Patrignano and it’s 3 years that I haven’t heard from him, who knows if he has found his own way as I did and he’s happy now or is he still lost in search of himself.